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Luthiena
prof_ryoki
07 November 2009 @ 06:40 pm
Repo Man  
I'm starting putting these under an lj cut, because you guys shouldn't have to read this crap every day.

I've been awake a long time now. I didn't sleep last night at all, but I don't feel tired. I had food, lots in fact, almost like my body was making up for not eating much, but then I was sick in the afternoon.

I'm trying to behave more 'normally' around everyone, they all hurt so much and I want to be strong for them. I can't even feel myself any more, like it hurts so much I can't even comprehend it any more. But as long as everyone else is alright then that's what matters. Shannon was so strong for everyone, such an amazing light that made everyone feel blessed to know her.

I know I'm not, I know I'm just the creeper on the fringes of chat that says the wrong thing and is weird, but I care so much about them and I want to try and keep her good work going. See, now I sound self-pitying, and I really aren't. I don't mind being the outsider, I don't have the vitality that she did, and I'm not strong. But I hope I can help a little, even from the outside.

I've said nothing once more, just a bunch of crap.
Tags:
 
Nomnom | Eat a cookie?
 
( Nomnom — Post a new comment )
regasssa: Rain Kamina[info]regasssa on November 7th, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)
You say an awful lot of things when you think you're saying nothing. You shouldn't have to feel like you have to hide how you're feeling in order for everyone else to go along 'normally'. You're not weird, and you're not a creeper, and you don't have to do a single thing for anyone if you don't feel up to it.

We're not here for you out of any kind of duty, we're here for you. Period. Let us help.
MewtwoWarrior[info]mewtwowarrior on November 7th, 2009 07:22 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I'm glad you were able to eat something.

You're not a creeper, and everyone's weird in their own ways, you're a good weird.

You need to take care of yourself too. It's a horrible time for everyone, but if we all stick together, then we'll all get through it.

If you need to talk or anything, let me know, and I'll try to get online as soon as I can.
Dee or Dawn: ♥♥[info]dawnnamira on November 7th, 2009 07:45 pm (UTC)
Forcing yourself to act normal won't help bb...You're an amazing person, and you aren't a freak and you never say the wrong thing.

*snuggles tight* We're here for you, and we don't want you to force yourself to act for us.
Urahara Kisuke[info]right_my_wrong on November 7th, 2009 08:11 pm (UTC)
It's okay to let people take care of you when you're hurting, it's okay to hurt alongside other people. Sometimes, it's easier to talk with someone who's also hurting... Don't force yourself to act normally for other people, I think those close to you would be able to see past it, and feel bad that they can't help you :(

And... you're not a creeper *huggles you*
citizen0soldier[info]poshu on November 7th, 2009 08:40 pm (UTC)
I'd say something... but I'd only be repeating Reg in a less effective manner... So...

Poshu's comment = *See Reg's above*
Ebi: good turtle[info]kaiba_katt on November 7th, 2009 08:43 pm (UTC)
What your saying makes perfect sense and it's not crap. It's okay if you pity yourself, there is nothing wrong with that. It's all right to take care of yourself. You're not a creeper, you make us smile, you're a good person.

Never forget that, Ena. You're a beautiful, wonderful person.
(Anonymous) on November 8th, 2009 11:55 am (UTC)
Hello.
You don't know me, and I don't really know you very well either. But I heard about what happened, and I wanted to help, even if it was just in some small way.
So I wanted to give you this song. It helped me in a rough spot. Maybe it'll help you too, even if it's just a little tiny bit.

mind.in.a.box - Lament for Lost Dreams (space.mix) (http://www.sendspace.com/file/w5xdqs)
I will cry out into the night
and let my anguish die away.
I will thrust my agony aside
to prepare for a new day.

I woke up one day
and didn't know whence I came.
I looked back one day,
and nothing spoke my name.
I saw myself from afar
and could not comprehend.
I felt a throbbing scar
and knew it would never mend.

I beheld the path behind me,
and the weeds were growing tall.
I looked where my footsteps should be,
but there was nothing there at all.
I knelt down without a sound,
feeling the emptiness inside.
I buried my face in the ground,
screaming silently to stem the tide.

I will cry out into the night
and let my anguish die away.
I will thrust my agony aside
to prepare for a new day.

In this moment, my strength failed.
I was falling through the ground.
In the distance, my soul wailed.
All my parts became unbound.
In this moment, I felt strong.
I could see me inside out,
and my soul, it came along,
so effacing my pitch-dark bout.

I cried for what was not meant to be,
a last tribute to lost dreams.
I had to leave behind my effigy
and with it, bury all my screams.
I turned around and looked straight on,
aware of the crossroads up ahead.
I felt my fear the first time gone
and saw a future for me to tread.

I will cry out into the night
and let my anguish die away.
I will thrust my agony aside
to prepare for a new day.
 
 

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